I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
