Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
