Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
