i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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