you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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