I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
