You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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