Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
