You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
