is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
