Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
