Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
