Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize