Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize