you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
