Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
