So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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