You're so nebulous sometimes
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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