Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
