I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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