what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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