Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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