he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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