we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
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