I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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