just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
