I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Please, let me fuck your mom
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize