Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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