Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
