i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize