summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
