smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
