I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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