bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
