my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize