he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
