5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
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