So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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