Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
