Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
