Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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