I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
