Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
