Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
