True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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