I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
