If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
