please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
