I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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