Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
