He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
