You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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