Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You're a waste of cheezeits
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
