Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
