Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
