Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
