Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
