The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
