ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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