Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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