I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
