TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
