If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
