Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
