Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize