Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
