If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
