I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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