So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
The power of my boobs compel you
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
