The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
