I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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